The World I See, Fri., 7/24/15

Depression is a terrible roller-coaster that you can’t get off, only unlike a real roller-coaster it isn’t thrilling or fun. You are out of control, it constantly whips you away from joy and happiness into despair and dreariness. 

Yesterday was bleak, the day before filled with great joy. Today was a delight. 

As I was heading to Clark Lake Park (Kent, WA)  I was almost hit when a car pulled out in front of my at an intersection. Luck was with me and was able wrench my truck into the oncoming turn lane that was empty. 

As I was coming home from the end of this epic day of joy, children, tag games, kick ball, cooking dinner, and talking into the wee hours of the morning a semi-truck began to change lanes into me.

I saw a bright yellow flashing light out of my peripheral vision. On my left was a massive concrete construction barrier. I was even with the cab’s back two tires. Slowly he began to drift toward me. I had nowhere to go. 

I’ve been in terrifying, so-called “near-death” situations before. This one seemed inescapable. Time slowed, the road elongated, and I felt peaceful. 

Over a month ago I wrote in my FB about how I felt like I had nothing to lose, how while I’m not suicidal I’m also not one to fight the inevitable. 

I can’t imagine if what were true back then were true now I’d’ve been peaceful. 

I was peaceful though at that moment when I believed that semi was going to crush my vehicle against a construction barrier while traveling at 70mph at 2:30 am.

I ruminated on this and honestly believe it was because I had THE most perfect day of my entire life. 

I learned to ski in Austria, snowboard in Swirtzerland, I walked on the beach in Rimini, Italy and watched the sunrise three days in a row. For weeks on end I got to listen to the beautiful, haunting sounds of the muezzin call the village Muslims to dawn prayer in Doboj, Bonisa-Herzegovina. And yesterday, out of all my days was the most perfect. If I had to go my soul understood it was a great day. 

Obviously, as I’m writing this, the truck must have seen me, because it didn’t even occur to me to honk my horn, for it moved back into its lane avoiding a last minute collision. 

The last image I can remember searing itself onto my brain when it seemed imminent the truck was going to crush me was this one.

A Clark Lake Park we looked up and saw this sight. The maples and evergreens coming together in perfect harmony. Each unique and diverse, each with their own attributes and strengths. Together they embrace each other and infinitely the sky peaks through. 

Others may look and just see trees. I see the world in this image. #TheWorldISee


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